all that your heart needs the most
by betweentheraindrops
Summary: Ben/Adrian. She takes his hand, holds onto him, braces herself for the future they'll embark on together.


A/N: Finally. That's all I can say. I'm referring to the Bendrian kiss (squee!) and the fact that I wrote a Bendrian fic. I manage a Bendrian community and this is my first full-fledged Bendrian piece. Freaking _finally_.

I've actually had this written for a few days, but couldn't go back and edit it and upload because school has been seriously kicking my ass.

Dedication: Demonic Angel Clone (Emy). Because your BAd leaves me craving more. I don't even do them justice compared to yours.

One quick little note: Please review. I see how many people read my stories and I get alerts as to how many people favourite and/or alert it. A little review with one word can make my day. Reviews are love and love is what encourages me to write more.

_May I love you. _  
_May I be your shield. _  
_When no one can be found _  
_may I lay you down. _

_- May I, Trading Yesterday_

_.. .. .._

"What do you think it'll be?" Adrian asks him, head on his shoulder.

They're sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office, waiting for the nurse to call them in. He's haphazardly leafing through a financial magazine, loves the way she feels as she leans on him. "I don't know. I hope it's a girl."

She takes her head off his shoulder, looks up at him. "Why?"

"Just 'cause."

Adrian nods, returning her head to his shoulder, absentmindedly stroking her belly. "I don't know what I want it to be. And is it really appropriate that we refer to the baby as it? Because that just doesn't sound right."

Ben chuckles. "Well, we won't have to for much longer. We should find out the sex today. But for now, we'll refer to the baby as the baby."

"Our baby, " she corrects him.

He nods, smiles at her. "Our baby."

Adrian smiles back easily, can somehow find peace whenever he smiles at her. But then his smile fades the slightest bit, he looks at her intently and she turns her head, unnecessarily wipes her mouth with the sleeve of his hoodie that she's wearing and blushes.

Though she rarely ever does, she's found that she only does it around him. "What?"

"No, it's nothing." He looks away, smiles softly. "It's just - you're beautiful, you know that?"

She leans away from him, smiles. But then she leans toward him, lips near his cheek, close to his ear, whispers, "Yeah, I know that."

Ben leans away from her, laughs because she's kind of amazing. He's falling in love with her, he can already feel it.

Adrian chuckles a bit, leans away for a second before grabbing his left hand with her right and placing it on her nearly swollen belly. "We could have a boy. Oh! Or a girl."

He snorts. "Yeah, there's nothing left."

"Nuh uh," she says, chin gutted in the air, "I saw something on Private Practice once and this woman had a baby with male and female organs. It was totally messed up."

Ben looks at her. "What - no."

"Yeah huh and the father totally left the mother when she wouldn't let Addison perform a surgery that would make the baby one of the genders. Something about letting the kid decide what they want to be later in life. Seriously, he left her. He left her!"

He shakes his head. "Adrian, that's - that's just fiction."

Adrian's eyes widen, clutches his hand desperately. "Oh my God. You won't leave me if that happens, will you?"

Ben just looks at her, his mouth open, would laugh at how ridiculous she sounds. But he can see that she's, like, legit serious. Her eyes are bugged out and bulging and she looks like she's in the middle of a road, ready to get hit by a car.

He squeezes her hand. "Of course I wouldn't."

She wants to say that he's lying, but the way he's looking at her says so much more. "You promise?"

"I promise."

Adrian nods, takes the financial magazine from his lap and flips through it, thinking.

Ben smiles at her, loves how she thinks she can just lay claim to whatever's his. She can and they both totally know it. What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine, he remembers her saying. She said it with an adorably smug smile on her face, victory flashing across her face.

His thoughts are interrupted when she clutches his hand again.

"You know, you'll leave me if the baby's a boy," Adrian says, scared eyes looking right at him.

Ben shakes his head. "No. I won't leave you then."

"Which means you'll leave me at some point," she says with crossed arms.

"No, it doesn't. It really doesn't."

Adrian huffs. "You want it to be a girl. It could be a boy, you know. What would you do then?"

"Nothing," he says on instinct, later regretting it when he sees her give him a disbelieving look. "I didn't mean that. I meant that I'll love this baby no matter what, boy or girl. Or both."

He gives her a sweet, teasing smile and she just smiles back because he's adorable.

"And even if I did," she gives him a withering stare, "which I wouldn't, you know I'd always come back to you."

Adrian smiles at him, returns her head to his shoulder. "Yeah, I do."

.. .. ..

Nurse Jackie calls them in and they get up and share a look.

She takes his hand, holds on to him, braces herself for the future they'll embark on together.

.. .. ..

Both of her doctors are off delivering babies, so another doctor steps in, and this time it's a female.

Adrian can see Ben heave a sigh of relief and she smacks his arm. "Ow, what was that for?"

The doctor comes, introduces herself, and Adrian shakes her hand, ignoring Ben as he rubs his arm.

Shelby Bennett, Adrian can see from her nametag, warns her that the gel is cold and Adrian clutches Ben's hand without really thinking about it.

He smiles, loves that she knows he'll always be there. And no, not just with the baby stuff. He's pretty sure she knows that too.

.. .. ..

"And that's your baby," the doctor says, pointing to the screen.

Adrian wipes her eyes a bit, tries to reign in her tears. "I'm sorry, it's just - I get this way whenever I see it."

"It's completely understandable. I was the same way with all three of my boys," says Bennett.

Ben smiles. "Really?"

"Yeah, every single time."

Adrian smiles, looking at the screen and occasionally nodding along with what her doctor says. She'll only admit it to herself, but she's so much more comfortable with her than her two other male ob-gyns and she can relate to her in ways she can't with the others. But she won't tell Ben that, won't let him have the upper hand, bragging about being right and all that. It's not in her. Never will be.

"Are you ready to find out the sex? Or did you want it to be a surprise?"

Ben looks to Adrian and they share an agreeing look, Ben nodding. "Yes, we'd like to know."

The doctor nods, turns toward the ultrasound machine. "Alright, let me see if I can see - oh, or not see something."

Ben chuckles and looks at Adrian to see her smiling as well but she's too transfixed on the machine to acknowledge him.

He holds Adrian's hand tighter, shoulder softly sitting on her shoulder. "Remember, we're still gonna be parents even if it's - "

He's cut off when the doctor proclaims, "It's a girl!"

"It is?" Ben asks, excitement dancing in his eyes.

"Sure is."

He looks at Adrian, who's covering her mouth with her hand, tears freely falling from her pretty eyes.

"I'll leave you two alone. I have another patient to get to." Doctor Bennett says, giving them warm smiles before leaving the room.

"Oh my God, we're having a girl. A real baby girl," Ben says, can't seem to remove his eyes from the screen.

He brings the machine closer to them, smiles and waves a little bit at his daughter.

Ben stays quiet for a minute, idly turning toward Adrian. "Oh, Adrian. Are you - are you okay?"

"Yeah - yeah. I'm fine. It's just - wow. We're having a girl," she says, wiping tears from her eyes.

Ben leans against the mat she's sitting on, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "Are you happy about that?"

"Oh yeah, of course," she nods, smiling at the screen. "I wanted her to be a girl."

"You wanted her to be a girl?" Ben asks.

Adrian looks up at him. "Well, yeah," she smiles, "I just didn't want to jinx it or anything."

He looks at her, asks, "But, why? Want it to be a girl, I mean."

She shrugs. "No reason."

Ben gives her a look, telling her that he knows there really is something she's not telling him.

Adrian relents, looks away from him. "Because you wanted her to be."

The way she says it is quiet and slow, making him grin. "Because of me?"

"Yeah, I just want to see you happy."

He smiles, turns around the monitor, sees his baby girl and can tell he's more happy than he should be.

They stay in silence for a minute or two, taking everything in. This is their baby girl, their daughter, all healthy and beautiful in Adrian's stomach.

He can already picture it, the family they'll raise together.

It's no longer something that's second best or second choice to him. It's first now, what it should've been from the very beginning anyways.

Adrian breaks him out of his thoughts by clutching his hand, squeezing it to get his attention.

"What?"

She exchanges looks between him and the screen. "Why did you want her to be a girl? You never told me why."

"Oh, that's because there is no reason," he gulps.

Adrian narrows her eyes, wrinkles her nose. "You're a terrible liar."

"Always have been."

She chuckles, pulls his arm a bit. "Tell me."

He sighs. She's been his weakness for a while now. "I wanted her to be a girl because I knew she'd be just like you."

Adrian feels her breath shorten, her heart beating rapidly. "You - really?"

He nods, all shyly and adorable. "Yeah."

She doesn't know what she's feeling, wants to blame it on her stupid hormones. She's only gotten the feeling twice before; the first time Ricky told her he loved her (she still tries to forget that, though) and then when Ben gave her that all-too-amazing friendship ring. Her heart is beating so hard against her chest and she's thinking that that can't be good for the baby but she's hooked up to a machine and there are no sounds coming from it so she figures they're (her and the baby) fine.

Adrian looks up at Ben, a few tears in her pretty eyes, puts her hand around the back of his neck, and kisses him.

It's not passionate like their first and not lingering like their last, but it's a kiss and it's something.

Ben pulls away before her, leans forward, and presses a chaste kiss to her forehead. "I love you."

She moves away, eyes frozen, and her chest is doing that thing again where she can't hear her own thoughts.

He stays where he is, doesn't dare move. He knew he would fall in love with her, he just didn't expect himself to fall so quickly. Though he did with Amy, he's pretty sure he was just infatuated with her the first few weeks they were dating. He knew he was falling, he just didn't know he had already fallen. But he chuckles to himself when he realizes. With Adrian, nothing's ever out of the question.

"You what - you love me?"

Ben blushes. "Well, yeah."

Adrian smiles prettily up at him, but her smile falters when she asks, "It's not just because we're having a girl, is it? Because that would really - "

"Trust me," he cuts her off. "I'd still love you even if we weren't."

She nods, believes him, and looks toward the monitor again. "I love you too, you know."

He smiles when she turns her head towards him again, kisses her, her lips barely touching his.

It's gentle, doesn't last very long, but it's sweet and comforting and a lingering forever.

They pull away, joining their hands together, thinking that they've probably loved each other longer than they realize anyway.

.fin.


End file.
